Husbands and partying?
Question by fin63_uk: Husbands and partying?
Lengthy story short. I am married (no kids) am 21, husband 24. We don't generally go out that significantly cos we were both genuinely into nightclubs and so on etc ahead of we met..practically like we burned it out of us. anyway my husband wanted to go out last night, which was completely out of the ordinary, (we do go out but not normally nightclubs nemore)....which is fine by me, he's met some new friends at a new job. So he produced me drop him off at a bar close to our property. Then i got a phone call later..except it wasn't, he had hit the phone to call me by accident in his pocket or something and all i could hear was hip hop music, and i was thinking lots of things like...shit has he got hurt and dropped his phone...does that bar even play hip hop music?? or has he lost his telephone, so anyway i drove to the bar and IT WAS CLOSED! so i referred to as him and said exactly where are u...he said i'm at the bar you left me at..i mentioned i was outside waiting he mentioned oh im inside if i come out i wont get back in, ill come residence later in 30 minutes and he said that i don't trust him....anyway he was lying to me. I got angry on telephone and hung up on him. then i felt bad and was driving about searching for him cos i was finding worried not realizing where he actually was (he's not from the identical place i am and im often worried folks will be racist towards him or beat him or some thing..anyway) i sent a text saying,.."appear just tell me where u are so i know you are secure"
.so 1 HOUR later i get a text saying he is in the city..which is a single hour away from that 1st bar. well i was PISSED to say the least...i go get him and he is angry at ME! he says why am i so angry, he didn't want to tell me he was going there cos i would be angry because i am that "sort" of person apparently and he was even wearing a diverse pair of jeans!!! he said the club wouldnt let him in so he known as his buddy who gave him the extra pair (he had his personal tracksuit bottoms about his waist under his jacket?!!) anyway generally i just want to know if i am insane or some thing but how the fuck can he be angry at me?!! i am truly not the nagging stalking type, really the opposite actually, im typically realllly laid back..it was just that in last nights case i just knew some thing really weird was going on and was worried about him. So i drove him home, finding mad at him asking him why he lied and he stated i did not lie..then he admitted it then stated he didnt lie again (he was wasted by this stage)
anyway these days he is Nonetheless not talking to me and says i don't comprehend you and that its not my enterprise where or what he does. When i mentioned i was up til 5am driving around like an ass seeking for him and then selecting him up he replied..... i did not ask you to! He's gone off to operate now and i know the only way he sees it as...she does not want me to go out and have a excellent time...even although i had definitely NO issue with him going out AT ALL, im glad he's producing new buddies! but he doesnt recognize why i uncover this so disrespectful and hurtful! He keeps saying i do not trust him and i stated nicely possibly if you didn't fing lie to me i would! thing is i do trust that he wasn't up to no very good last night...crazy as that sounds! its just like talking to a brick wall, its so unfair that he expects me to apologize. and this is in fact the second time this has happened, a handful of weeks ago ( with this very same new bunch of pals) he went out to bar, then referred to as me to say he was in city at his buddies house, which was ok cos he was literally only out for an hour and he said "im sorry i didnt know how far away his property was and i don't even want to stay with them and i referred to as u as soon as i got there" .. I know the way i've written this tends to make me sound like i am a control freak but seriously i am not, we just often tell eachother where we're going and stuff. So now i have to go about my usual company all day, feeling shit about whats occurred and, really not feeling like seeing any pals or something, but he will happily come house from perform and ignore me once more! which is all fine by me, but why the feck should i sit about waiting for him to realise that he is becoming a dick and say sorry...i just feel so devalued or a thing. give me some insight please!!!! thanks x
yea re: got married too young...we've been married for over two years and even if we weren't married we'd nonetheless be going out anyway so...yeah not really useful...
ok nevertheless obtaining the "youngsters obtaining married" crap....what if i say he is my boyfriend...would it actually make much difference....each are relationships, only this 1 has a piece of paper to prove it..
also you guys speak as if i captured him and forced him to marry me lol ...it was a joint choice. and just so you know he is a quite mature guy he has just lost the plot these last two instances...and i'm asking yourself what the duck.... i need to have solutions on how to get through to somebody with a wall up..
Best answer:
Answer by AhManDuh
That was NOT a lengthy story short..that was a extended story long.
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Its what you get for marrying so young. Life sux when you’re both stupid doesnt it?
he is young and apparently doesn’t know what he wants. he still likes to party with buddies apparently but the big thing is that he has been lying and hiding things from you…which isn’t good. obviously he is not ready to settle down or for a commitment. you guys need to talk and tell him flat out how you feel. he needs to tell you what has been going on. I would be suspicious as well. you deserve to be treated better than that.
thats what happens when you marry young and both havent grown up yet
Yes, he’s being an ace, but he’s a kid. What did you expect?
your marriage is going to be okay. your husband just wants some space – just tell him not to lie to you anymore. tell him he does not have to live to you.
Wow… what a mess! He’s lying…got caught in a lie, and isn’t adult enough to admit that he’s wrong.
It sounds like he needs to grow up and his actions are also very strong red flags that point toward the potential for emotional abuse.
wow sounds like the typical you guys got married way to young. He isn’t ready to grow up yet and really he shouldn’t be. You are going to have to deal with this or leave him. It was your decision to get married so young.
Trust is important, he will lose your trust if he keeps lying. Tell him how you feel and ask him just to tell u the truth next time. And you shouldn’t have to tell him sorry because he was caught in a lie. But no more checking up.. that will push him away. It makes men feel like children. And you are not his mom, you are his wife.
Wow, where to begin??
If he wanted to go out with his friends then he should have told you where he was going. Sorry hubby, but when you get married your business is my business..that includes where you go and who you go there with! I’m actually just wondering why he got so defensive about it when you were just wanting to make sure he was okay. Just ask him to put himself in your position! You get a weird call from him, you start freaking out b/c you don’t know if he’s alright, so you go to where you think he is (and he clearly isn’t there!) and he lies right to you!! That would piss me off a GOOD one. That whole situation sounds really weird and yeah, it’s good that he’s making new friends but he doesn’t need to be shady about it in the process. What’s up w/the whole changing clothes thing?
Bottom line: you’re married. The lines of communication need to be open at all times and the minute he starts thinking that what he does with his time is none of your business then maybe it’s time to start questioning the marriage itself.
I wish you luck.
Just wanted to add: it does not matter what AGE you get married at. I hate that people say there’s a right age, blah blah blah. Everyone has a different maturity level, and personal reasons for doing what they do and nobody has any right to tell this girl that she’s having these issues b/c she got married too young. These issues are b/c her husband is lying to her, period. He would be doing the same thing if they were together as opposed to being married.
I’d just sit him down tonight and calmly talk to him about why he got so upset about you caring about his safety? Also, tell him that you don’t like being lied to and that you don’t care where he goes that it’s just a common frickin’ courtesy to tell your wife where you’ll be at! What if there would have been an emergency and you needed him? Explain to him that you were upset because you didn’t know if he was in trouble and needed help, not because he was with his friends, etc. Good luck.
Ok unlike everyone else I dont care how yong you are lying is lying and it is wrong!
You are his wife and you have EVERY RIGHT to know where he is when he is going out.
Not only has he lied to you but he went to extreems to do it
This is what happens when children get married. You made the CHOICE to not accompany him.
You got married too young…tough cookies, you make it work. Perhaps he would tell you more if you trusted him. You both need to grow up and start caring more about the other than selfish selves. My husband and I got married a little young too. He would tell me if he was going to a strip club, why? I trust him and wont be at the door of the club ready to pounce on him.
Leave to summarize.
Here’s my summary: Your husband can’t or won’t tell you the truth. This is called a liar.
If he,lied to you about something so simple. Girl that’s a man for you. Seems like all they know how to do is lie. But you to did get married very young. I think you are ready but he’s not. And in a marriage it takes 2. You can’t do it all by yourself. You 2 needs to talk and maybe counseling.
LOL!
I am so GLAD I am not 21 anymore!
LOL!
Geez, the crap I used to worry about……..ha!
My husband and I were married at your ages and we never had any issues like that. You can be married young and be honest and committed and mature enough o handle it! He’s mad at you because he was wrong and you caught him. You’re a sucker so he’s turned it around on you so he looks like the victim. He really shouldn’t have gone out to a bar in the first place and you were good enough to drop him off there. The problem is not with you. It’s with him. At 24 he is still not yet a “man”. Hopefully that will change soon because plenty of 24 year old guys are.
It doesn’t sound like either of you are based in reality. You were afraid of somebody racist beating him? You really need to own up to your insecurities instead of trying to justify your actions. You both are very young, 21 and 24 are NOT ages to be over partying. Some are, but usually they never fell into the partying scene in the first place.
When a person gets mad about something benign (like picking up their phone) they are trying to cover something up. Using your sense of smell, you can usually tell if he’s cheating or not. Either he smells like another woman or smells like a different soap. People, in general, jump to the worst case scenario. This is NOT always the case.
What it comes down to (whether he is cheating or just going somewhere he doesn’t think you’d like) is the fact that he is deceiving you. Trust and honesty is the base of any good relationship. Only YOU know if he’s worthy of trying to fix it.
I have a feeling that you have responded to him with a lot of anger and hostility (those feelings are understandable, but in no way HELPFUL). If you want to keep him in your life, you have to push past those feelings and talk to him when you both aren’t mad. Try not to focus on how he has “messed up” that will only make him feel attacked and shut down (he already knows what he did and is ashamed). You won’t get anywhere. Focus, instead, on how you FEEL. Scared? Alone? Sad? Hurt? He gave you a clue in when he told you that you are “that kind of person”. Think on that and be honest with yourself. Ask him if you being a certain way to him made him feel like he needed to lie.
Seeing your own faults and trying to fix them are the only things you can do to mend a relationship. Being understanding and remembering that you are on the same team (even when you’re angry) are difficult things to do, but it will bring you closer and make your relationship run more smoothly.
HE IS NOT respecting you at ALLLLL! you need to talk and communicate about expectations. He is lying to you and who knows why he is lying and what he is really doing. I don’t have a good feeling about this