Q&A: Lyrics? Opinions wanted.?
Question by : Lyrics? Opinions wanted.?
here's an additional song. it is about my panic attacks i get, so hence the title.
Panic
My thoughts goes numb
as my forehead closes in.
This headache will not escape me.
The rooms spins,
and now I cannot see.
Tears falling down,
choke upon choke,
this shaking is controlling me,
Oh the discomfort!-deep inside my throat.
I'm sinking, I am sinking
This globe I can not see,
living for, any longer
Exactly where is my angel now?
I am sinking, I'm sinking
This planet I can not see,
living for, any longer
Where is my angel now?
Every time I feel of you,
and how it utilized to be,
it appears like I am locked outside
of all my memories.
Believe me when I tell you
I still adore you even more
But save me now
save me now!
You have got to fucking save me now!!
(Silence)..........
I wake up,
the needles in my arms,
physicians all around me,
keeping me from harm.
I hear the murmers:
"Is he ok?"
"Will he ever be secure?"
but I know for confident
this illness is right here to stay.
I may not be a medical doctor,
but my heart is often right,
i look about and identified
she by no means came around,
so round two begins tonight!
I'm sinking, I am sinking
This planet I can not see,
living for, any longer
Where is my angel now?
I'm sinking, I am sinking
This globe I can not see,
living for, anymore
Exactly where is my angel now?
I am sinking, I am sinking
This globe I can not see,
living for, any longer
Where is my angel now?
Where's my angel now?
Where's my angel now?
Where's my angel now?
I enjoy her,
and I need to have her.
My back's against the wall,
death staring me in the eyes.
I do not think I can take this alone,
I want you here,
beside me now,
I can't do this alone.
Where's my angel now?
Where's my angel now?
Where's my angel now?
You'll always see what a regret it was,
to just leave me be.
i comprehend about the curse word in the song, but i felt it was neccessary considering that when i'm getting these attacks i get really worked up to the point exactly where i want action now, and i just wanted to bring that element out.
and if a person could please tell me how this is cliche? i do not fairly realize. i guess panic attacks are cliche now, everyone has them. wow, some people shouldn't talk.
another new rule. if you're going to critisize my lyrics, first it need to be constructive critisizism, not bashing, and second you have to explain exactly what you really feel requirements altered, not the reality that "you can't hum it", since you most likely cannot since i haven't made it into a song however. these are lyrics, just words. thanks to every person who comments with their minds, and are intelligent.
Greatest answer:
Answer by Cyndel
ok i seriously thing its very good lyrics and it shows what your feeling inside which is actually good thinking about thats what music is all about.i just believe that u dont want the cuss word in the song other than that ...its a truly good song.
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omg i got chills reading the lyrics.. this is honestly soo good.
I think It’s a really good song..keep it up..I’d love to hear the tune with it..
The entire thing is cliche.
EDIT: Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize your question was “Lyrics? Flattery wanted”
I would love to hear it as a song! I love the lyrics. The curse word is neccessary.
Very good! I really really like them! The choice of words to emphasize how you feel when that happens is very excellent! I love the “Where is my angel now” line alot!! Marvelous work!!
you seem inspired by ian curtis of joy division. he suffered from epileptic fits, and often referred to them in his music. to be honest your lyrics are a bit cliched, but you do have talent.
try reading/listening to these
http://www.lyricsfreak.com/j/joy+division/disorder_20075896.html
http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/She%27s-Lost-Control-lyrics-Joy-Division/CF18B91DFAB7D86F4825695B00005D45
i think if you make your words a bit less literal and a bit more metaphoric in portraying your feelings it will turn out great
lyrics are really good, lot of emotion in it
That was REALLY good!!!!!!
Gosh! I got chills.
You write as if the reader is in your shoes.
It really speaks to the audience.
Amazing work. Keep on writing!
i think this is pretty awesome. i get panic attacks too, but not that bad…i at least sorta get what you’re going through. and even if i didn’t already know, you express it really well. i absolutely adore the chorus/refrain: “I’m sinking, I’m sinking/This world I can not see,/living for, anymore/Where is my angel now?”. that’s really pretty/emotional. like i said, pretty much awesome, don’t change anything.
Are you a professional song writer? That was so freakin good, the cuss word fit right in. don’t worry i don’t know how this is cliche either. I love the song lyrics, they are so freakin perfect. i’m bookmarking this page.
there. its bookmarked.
how do you do it? how do you write songs like this? i need you to help me with my song writing.
~ShuShu~
It’s dramatic, which is good. But, it’s a bit over-dramatic.
This is amazing, and I can totally relate. I loved it.
incredibly good. You have a talent… if you ever make a song out of it email it to me i’d love to hear it and i might know some people that could help you get started in the music business / lyricist business. halie2157@gmail.com
That was amazingly chilling. I actually LOVE the cursing, since it adds to the strength.
LOL about your cliche comment, though. But its not cliche at all.
it’s good but it kinda sounds like something linkin park would write and sing.
this IS entirely cliche, it has no flow or rhythm whatsoever. maybe it does in your head, i don’t know, but to me it doesn’t sound like a song – more like a bad poem. when writing something like this, state a rhythm in your head and stick to it. you should be able to record it, and hum along in a steady rhythm.
I think it expersses your feelings in a very emotional and collected way. If you normally write songs like this, than it’s wonderful! The tune should be something simple, so you can let the lyrics speak for themselves, without letting the ryhtem get in the way.
Hope it helps!
~!Double L!~
Omg that was so hard to understand- I like it =D
Wow your really talented awesome.
Awesome
Pretty good