Question by : Why am I so scared to have kids? My marriage depends on it....please help!?
Hi, I sure could use some feedback! I have knots in my stomach! My husband of one and a half years moved out two weeks ago. We have been fighting a lot. While he calls me an "antogonist", I feel he reacts very inappropriately with his anger...yells, swears, has pushed me around, takes off on me, and hangs up on me if we are on the phone. Yet on the other hand, I really love him and he can be sweet, kind and caring. I know he really loves me but his anger is an issue. I believe he learned a lot of this as a child.

The fighting became too much and he moved out but we are currently committed to trying to work things out. He started counseling and I start this week too. We are going to individual for now and perhaps couples counseling down the road.

We still see each other and are getting along better than ever. I really don't want to lose him. But both of us living together we mostly were hating each other....he can get mad at me easily, says I don't listen to him, etc. I usually have passive hostility towards him, angry at him that he is angry at me, or that he treated me a certain way. Especialy when he has pushed me around in the past, the last time a month ago. About five times total. It takes a lot for me to "come around" again...

One topic we fight about is having children. I am 38 1/2 years old, not a lot of time left....when we married I said I'm not sure I want kids, he said, ok, i just love you and i already have a kid...he has a kid but she lives quite a distance aways and he doesn't see her a lot. He misses her a lot and this a big source of pain for him that he struggles with all the time. He misses his kid and only gets to see her once or twice a year. But they seem to have a good bond and relationship.

I keep saying, well, stop threatening to leave me and swearing at me and maybe I'll have a kid. He now says he thought I was enough but now he knows he really wants a family. He says he is going to leave me for good if I don't agree to at least try to have a baby with him. He says the source of his anger and hostility towards me has been because I DON'T want to have his kid....so therefore he feels that if i have his kid, he won't be angry at me anymore.

I am a professional, think I'm pretty intelligent and usually make very "safe" moves....but yet I'm kinda gullible/naive at times....I'm not seeing the "writing on the wall" so to speak...i really don't want to lose him, but I really don't know if I want a kid at all, plus I'm afraid that he won't really change and then we'll end up divorced PLUS have custody issues.

Plus I kinda resent that he seems so willing to walk away if I don't have a kid....but then i think, if I lose him, I'll be alone by myself, and never have the chance to have a kid and that I'll spend the rest of my life letting my one chance to have a family slip away and that I'll regret it for the rest of my life...

I even think at times, as bad as this is, I should just "trick" him and say I can't get pregnant or ensure it, but then again, that is really totally desperate and how could I live with myself?

How am I going to make this decision? I feel like I may regret it if I do, yet possibly regret it if I don't!

All of your comments are greatly appreciated, I really need some points of view!

thank you

Best answer:

Answer by Visdovert
O___O go to couples therapy or get divorced.....

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!

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